Illuminaeum

I said three kinds of yes in the last 24 hours.
I said yes to going to Europe alone this summer in July. I talked to two people in the last 24 hours who have traveled alone, who firmed up my opinion that it could be even more of an adventure and I’d meet more people going to Scandinavia and Russia alone. I was originally going to bop around with a friend, and then I thought I’d ask my sister but she may have a (*gasp*) job, so I think I want to go by myself and see what adventures unfold. I am amused in that I will be by far one of the few non-senior citizens on this luxury cruise line, but I like older people and connecting with them, so it’ll be an adventure. (Addendum: I’ve decided to ask a friend with whom I can be alone as well as social. That way I can be by myself as much as I want but she’ll get the experience too, and we can have girl fun in the bopping.)
I said yes to taking a leave of absence from graduate school. I’m curiously at peace with it. I thought it would feel like I was giving up, but it’s part of coming to terms with reality as it is and not as I want it to be, and there’s a groundedness in that. The reality is that the dissertation is not getting done, and this is the absolute last period in my life where I need to get into a heads-down, cognitive, socially isolated space necessary to write. It doesn’t loosen my commitment, and in fact, I believe my topic to be more relevant than ever and am thinking of a series of blog posts on it to keep my head engaged in writing about my topic, but this gives me the grace and space to just do what I like this summer, aside from work. A few whole months without the, “I should be working on my dissertation” in the back of my head!! (Addendum: Ok, so I got talked by the director of my entire program to hold off on this decision til August and see what I can do before then. This makes sense since taking a leave mid-semester makes NO sense…but at least it’s movement.)

I said yes to music in a more active role. I ordered an Alhambra 5p guitar (7/8 Senorita sized because while I have long fingers for a woman, I’m also short). It’s a classical guitar from Spain, nylon stringed, with a solid cedar top, rosewood back and sides, an ebony fingerboard with a mahogany and ebony neck and gold plated heads. While I like modern music, folk, and blues, I’m far more interested in playing the classical sounds, and I’m far more intrigued by the sounds of this guitar, meant to be plucked with fingers in the way of a mandolin or lute, not strummed with a pick. Half my first lesson was on nail care, which amused me greatly. The posture and the way its held is very different from a steel-stringed guitar. I like the richer tone, and though it doesn’t sustain the way steel-stringed guitars sustain tone, I’m excited about it. I can’t cart a piano around with me, and I NEED music back in my life. I’m singing to myself all the time now. I am also looking into taking up bellydancing again. (Addendum: This one has stayed unchanged! But in the broader scheme of thing, I’ve said yes to flexibility. Or wishy-washiness, but I prefer to think of it as being adaptable and open to possibilities I hadn’t thought of yet when I said my ‘yes’es.)
Yes.